Discernment counseling at The Woolf Center:

Discernment counseling is a specific type of counseling designed for couples who are considering divorce but are unsure about their decision. It helps them gain clarity and confidence in their choice by exploring their options and understanding the underlying issues in their relationship.

Discernment counseling is a specialized form of counseling designed for couples who are considering divorce but are uncertain about their decision. It aims to help couples gain clarity and insight into their relationship by exploring the possibility of reconciliation while also considering the option of divorce. Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling focuses on understanding each partner’s perspective, clarifying their goals, and exploring the underlying issues in the relationship. The ultimate goal is to help couples make a thoughtful and informed decision about the future of their marriage, whether that involves reconciliation or separation.

Discernment counseling typically involves a structured process that helps couples explore their options and gain clarity about the future of their relationship. Here’s an overview of how discernment counseling works:

1. Initial Assessment: The process usually begins with an initial assessment session where the counselor meets with both partners together to understand their situation and assess whether discernment counseling is appropriate for them.
2. Individual Sessions: Following the initial assessment, the counselor may schedule individual sessions with each partner to gain a deeper understanding of their perspectives, concerns, and goals regarding the relationship.
3. Exploration of Options: During individual and joint sessions, the counselor helps the couple explore different options, including reconciliation and divorce. They may discuss the reasons behind the desire for divorce, the potential for resolving issues, and the feasibility of rebuilding the relationship.
4. Focus on Understanding: Discernment counseling focuses on understanding rather than problem-solving. The counselor helps the couple explore their feelings, motivations, and concerns without trying to resolve specific issues or conflicts immediately.
5. Clarity and Decision-Making: Through the counseling process, couples are encouraged to gain clarity about their options and make a decision about the future of their relationship that feels informed and authentic to both partners.
6. Follow-Up and Referrals: Depending on the outcome of discernment counseling, the counselor may provide referrals for further therapy or support services if the couple decides to pursue reconciliation or separation.

Discernment counseling offers several potential benefits for couples who are considering divorce but are uncertain about their decision:

1. Clarity and Understanding: One of the primary benefits of discernment counseling is that it helps couples gain clarity about their relationship and their feelings toward it. Through the counseling process, couples can better understand the underlying issues, dynamics, and motivations that have led them to consider divorce.
2. Exploration of Options: Discernment counseling provides a structured framework for couples to explore their options, including reconciliation and divorce, in a safe and supportive environment. This exploration can help couples make a more informed decision about the future of their relationship.
3. Improved Communication: Counseling sessions can facilitate open and constructive communication between partners, allowing them to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns more effectively. Improved communication skills can be valuable whether the couple decides to pursue reconciliation or separation.
4. Reduced Conflict: By providing a neutral space for dialogue, discernment counseling can help reduce conflict and tension between partners. This can create a more conducive environment for productive discussions and decision-making.
5. Increased Empowerment: Engaging in discernment counseling empowers couples to take an active role in the decision-making process regarding the future of their relationship. Rather than feeling helpless or overwhelmed, couples can gain a sense of agency and control over their situation.
6. Potential for Reconciliation: For couples who are open to it, discernment counseling may pave the way for reconciliation by addressing underlying issues and exploring the possibility of rebuilding the relationship. Even if reconciliation ultimately doesn’t occur, the counseling process can help both partners gain closure and move forward with greater clarity and understanding.

Overall, discernment counseling offers a structured and supportive approach for couples to navigate the complexities of considering divorce, ultimately helping them make a decision that aligns with their individual needs and goals, helps clients explore their relationship dynamics, gain clarity about their options, and make a thoughtful decision about the future of their marriage.

Compared to the cost of a divorce, discernment counseling may be less expensive in some cases. Divorce proceedings often involve legal fees, court costs, mediation expenses, and potentially fees for other professionals such as appraisers or child custody evaluators. These costs can add up significantly, especially in contentious or prolonged divorce cases.

However, it’s essential to consider the potential long-term financial and emotional costs of divorce beyond just the immediate expenses. Divorce can have lasting financial implications, including the division of assets, alimony or spousal support payments, and changes in living arrangements that may incur additional expenses.

In contrast, discernment counseling aims to help couples explore their options and potentially reconcile their differences, which could ultimately save them the financial and emotional costs associated with divorce. Even if reconciliation doesn’t occur, discernment counseling can provide valuable insights and clarity that may help both partners navigate the divorce process more efficiently and amicably if they ultimately decide to separate.